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September 12, 2016

How To Make A Wedding Cake


There are three ways to make a wedding cake.

The first way is to hire a professional baker, one who has all the right tools and tricks and flavors and decorative flare. You order the cake, they make it, they drop it off, you eat it. Maybe you even freeze a slice for next year.

The second way is to have 5 different people from your office each make a layer without consulting one other on flavor, density or size. Someone also has to cut a bunch of 4-inch lengths of 1-inch thick dowel and a stack of cardboard circles. Someone else should bring a glue gun. First, you decide which cake should go on the bottom, then you shimmy it onto a cardboard circle. Next, shove three dowels into the cake, in a triangulated pattern. Then, squeeze dabs of hot glue on the top of the three dowels, and put the next cardboard circle on top. Be careful to clean up any floating glue strands.

Now, do it all over; the next cake, the next three dowels, the next set of hot glue dabs, and over and over until you've run out of layers. If your cake looks like it might topple, grab some string. Tie it onto a few of the dowels, then pull the ends taut and affix them to the edge of the table with binder clips. If things are still iffy, find a few Extra Fine Point Sharpies, and cram them between the layers of cardboard. Then, tiptoe away and cross your fingers that it stays standing until the speeches are over.

And the third way? Well, I'm not quite sure. But it couldn't possibly be as good as the first or the second.

Thanks a Bunch!

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I am so in love with yall. you remind me poignantly of all the people I have ever loved. I used to have many many friends here in Roanoke va until I had an attack of the ole polio I got back in the day. and I fell and got a concussion and was goofy for a while. all my friends blew me off. after 35 years. so now I find yall and I am more or less happy again. we used to have big thanksgiving parties where each person of course brought something. one year we did not tell each other. and everyone brought yellow food. and we ate it. I was joyously thrilled with this and, being silliest person ever born and believe it is next to, even beyond, cleanliness or even godliness, laughed for hours and tried to stimulate conversation on all red food or all beige food (easy). there were many other wonderfully funny things we did and I miss all those people. or miss who we used to be. with love and just all the joy, ya know? pay my transportation and I will be there in a flash. carole first science, then polio, then ballet, then love science, then more ballet then fell on ass, then all education gone and had to teach it ALL to myself . and now wishing I were someplace like where yall are.
Comment By: carole3 years ago 
I couldn't get past the second paragraph without tears streaming down my fast as I laughed! The photo says sooo much! I honestly would love such a cake. Fabulous...
Comment By: D4 years ago 
my rip....looks like a great place to work
Comment By: Rayna4 years ago 
Coming from a professional cake decorating stand point, I have to tell you that your cake is absolutely perfect!
Comment By: trisha4 years ago 
I am in love with this cake, and I am in love with Blue Q! I am not sure how I got by this far without either of them in my life, but I am glad I don't have to say that anymore. :)
Comment By: Curtis4 years ago 
Michael, you look fabulous in the tiara dahling!! XO Karin
Comment By: Karin4 years ago 
HOW FUCKING FUN!! I've been buying Blue Q since the Dirty Girl launch. You are a fantastic company...THANK YOU FOR MANY, MANY YEARS OF HAPPINESS! I'm a proud owner of every single pair of socks you make. My collection is fabulous!
Comment By: BUFFY4 years ago 
Liz, Faith, Tammy, Bennett, Kate & Fifi...You girls rock!
Comment By: Julia4 years ago 
The cake is unique and beautiful!!!! I love you guys at blue q!!! Every email I get from you makes me happy!! You guys are so cool and truly seem to love your job. I carry a blue q shopper with me everyday to remind me of how I love blue q. Great job and thanks for sharing!
Comment By: Samantha 4 years ago 
Um. Would love to hear about the bride and groom on top of that lovely cake. Looks like she's wearing a face shield and he's wearing a fork.
Comment By: Lizzie4 years ago 
Comment By: julie4 years ago 
Liz! You're totally right! Actually, it was just a parody wedding for.... a team member's birthday! She's been to EIGHT weddings this summer, so we thought we'd put on another for her.
Comment By: Blue4 years ago 
Why just a wedding cake. Birthdays work, too, and they happen more often = more opportunities for fun.
Comment By: Liz4 years ago 
This looks like one of those "team building" exercises, similar to one that my coworkers and I had to participate in at a conference... We had string and dowels and rubberbands and some other stuff, but no glue gun... and NO CAKE! Yours looks like more fun... and it probably tastes better than ours, too!
Comment By: Faith4 years ago 
Best wedding cake ever. A million blessings to the happy couple!
Comment By: Tammy4 years ago 
This made my day. I am getting married in December and after the dress, the cake seems like the biggest waste of money. No one gives two $hit$ about how it looks or will remember if the raspberry filling was amazing or just store bought jam. I wish I had more friends with glue guns and baking skills.
Comment By: Bennett4 years ago 
You forgot to paint the dowels white.
Comment By: Kate4 years ago 
Comment By: Fifi4 years ago 

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